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The Emotion Machine
Psychology + Self Improvement
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Maturity isn’t about age, it’s about how you treat others.
The Science of Honesty: Lying Less Improves Health and Relationships
Lying less may be associated with significant benefits to both our physical and mental health, according to a recent study presented at the American Psychological Association’s 120th Annual Conference.
During the conference, researchers from the University of Notre Dame presented an “honesty experiment” which measured whether or not telling lies could have adverse effects on our health. The study lasted 10 weeks and included 110 participants. Half of the group was instructed to avoid telling any major or white lies throughout the 10 week time frame. The other half of the group received no special instructions.
Each participant came in every week to complete health and relationship measurements, as well as use a polygraph to assess how many lies were told throughout the week.
It was discovered in both groups that individuals who reported less lying showed fewer mental health complaints (such as anxiety or sadness) and also fewer physical health complaints (such as sore throats or headaches).
The 4 Fundamental Pillars of Emotional Intelligence
Usually when we think of “intelligence” we associate it with things like logic, math, and science.
However, according to psychologists such as Daniel Goleman, “emotional intelligence” (EQ) is another aspect of intelligence that is often over-looked.
The basic view of emotional intelligence is that emotions aren’t necessarily the opposite of thinking, but a different way of thinking about different types of problems that exist in our world.
In other words, emotions can be a very valuable tool in guiding our choices and decision-making.
The Cornerstone of Successful Leadership
Leadership is the ability to influence one or more people to support a common goal or cause.
Some level of leadership is often necessary to make any kind of social organization function properly, whether it’s a family, a business, a government, or a charity.
We all step into “leadership” roles every now and then, even if it’s something as small as helping a stranger cross the street or giving a friend advice on how to get a new job.
Leadership is most effective when we match our strengths with other people’s needs. It’s about finding a “common goal” and then working together to achieve it.
So the first question to always ask yourself as a leader is, “What is in my power to help this person become as happy and successful as possible?”
Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For Help
In self improvement, I think there is often a myth that you need to “do it all on your own,” and your life circumstances shouldn’t ever depend on other people.
While I admire independence and self-reliance, and it’s a huge theme of this blog, I also acknowledge that we are interdependent beings.
Our relationships, and the people we surround ourselves with on a daily basis, are often just as defining of who we are as our own bodies and minds.
A supportive and helpful friend can make you a better person at the end of the day. And that’s something to embrace, not something to be ashamed about.
The Unconscious Influence of Mirroring
Mirroring is a social phenomenon where people mimic another person’s posture, gestures, and words.
It’s often an unconscious behavior – we are rarely aware of it when we do it – but it’s a sign that people are attuned and in sync to one another.
When two people are mirroring each other, it shows that there is comfort, trust, and rapport among them.
Long-term friends and romantic couples are particularly attuned to one another. If you ever go to a populated public area, like a park, mall, or busy street, you’ll often notice that couples are mirroring each other as they interact. It’s a part of our fundamental nature as social beings.
Emotional Distance Isn’t Always a Bad Thing In Your Relationships
Traditional wisdom says the closer two people are in a relationship, the better. But recent research shows that this isn’t necessarily the case.
A 2013 study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that the key to healthy relationships wasn’t whether individuals were closer to each other, but if there “closeness” was at a comfortable and suitable level.
In other words, there needs to be a balance found between being “too close” and “too distant” in our relationships.
If someone is too close, we’ll probably end up feeling annoyed and suffocated by that person. But if someone is too distant, we’ll probably end up feeling needy and deprived of attention.
The Problem With Being “Too Nice”
According to recent research in psychology, being too nice can sometimes backfire on us.
People who compulsively say “yes” to everyone’s wants and needs often experience greater levels of stress and emotional burnout; they spend all their energy trying to make others happy, and they forget to take care of their own wants and needs.
Kindness is often seen as a sign of moral virtue in society, and in many ways it is, but those who are “too nice” often have their kindness rooted in an unhealthy desire to be accepted and liked by others, and not necessarily out of the goodness of their heart.
They do nice things for others not because they genuinely want to, but because they feel that is what is expected of them or they are desperate for positive attention.
