The Emotion Machine

I’d rather lose 10lbs over the course of a year and keep it off, than lose 10lbs in a week and gain it right back. Think long-term about your habits and goals.

When I was first seeking self improvement about 8 years ago I was in a dark place, so I was pretty desperate and gullible. The more someone claimed they could help me, the more I was willing to devour everything they said.

I was quickly introduced to the promising ideas found in Law of Attraction, The Secret, and What the Bleep? – and I was captivated.

They offered the perception that everything in the universe was a product of my own mind. And if I didn’t like reality, all I had to do was change my mind and through some mysterious power in the universe things would begin to work out for me.

How can anyone not find that idea just wonderful and amazing? It makes you feel like some kind of omnipotent God.

Today, millions of people fall for this idea just like me, but I think in the long-term these fanciful ideas actually lead to disappointment, and in worse cases even self-blame and self-hate.

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If you can’t explain to others why you believe the things you do, then it’s unlikely you can explain your beliefs to yourself – and that’s not a good sign.

It’s odd, but a lot of people seem to not know exactly what they believe until they are called upon to describe those beliefs and why they have them.

Instead, most of us take our beliefs for granted.

We feel strongly about our beliefs, even though we don’t think very critically about them, because deep-down we think we must have good reasons behind them, even if we aren’t fully aware of those reasons.

Upon reflection, however, we often find that our beliefs aren’t as sturdy and convincing as we initially thought. This is one of the main reasons we should frequently challenge our beliefs whenever possible.

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This is a 25 question quiz designed to assess if you are more of a “Big Picture” or “Detail Oriented” thinker.

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When someone goes to see a therapist, what they are often looking for is someone who is an objective, outside listener who they can share all their thoughts and feelings with, without the fear of being judged.

An objective therapist tries their best to deal with the facts or conditions that the patient is reporting, with as little distortion as possible from their own personal feelings, prejudices, or interpretations.

Fundamentally, this includes a therapist not influencing or pressuring certain beliefs, but instead giving patients a way to talk about their beliefs and encourage self-analysis through conversation.

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Have you ever had the belief that, “I will never be happy?”

Be honest. Maybe at one point in your life the thought had at least crossed your mind, or maybe this belief still persists today even as you read the words on this page.

Because I’ll be honest with you, I have had this belief before.

Now the belief is in the distant past, but there was a period in my life where it really stuck with me – to the point where “I will never be happy” became a self-fulfilling paradigm.

At the time, I thought that “I will never be happy” was just a part of reality. I couldn’t imagine a world where I was actually enjoying life, having fun, or doing activities that really mattered to me. Happiness simply wasn’t compatible with my worldview.

You see, the beliefs we have about ourselves and the world we live in play a huge role in what we are aware of in life and how we respond to our situations.

From a young age, life threw some experiences at me that made me sad, angry, hurt, and frustrated – and I was wrongly led to believe that was all there ever was in this world.

Our first experiences give us our first perspective on how we think the world works. We learn this perspective from our time spent with family, friends, teachers, etc. – but isn’t always accurate.

However, over time this perspective can become so embedded in our minds that it’s all we ever begin to see, despite it not necessarily being the only way the world works.

It took me years of reflection and will-power to finally identify these erroneous and destructive beliefs, then begin changing them. It’s a process that doesn’t happen overnight.

Day after day, I had to sit back, look at my thoughts and actions, question my conditioned responses, and play with new and better ways of approaching the situations in my life.

It was hard work. I had to let go of my stubborn worldview and be open to new ways of understanding and experiencing the world. I had to be just as willing to unlearn all the crap I absorbed as a kid as I was willing to absorb new knowledge and information. I had to at least entertain the possibility that I could be happy with my life.

Shredding the belief that “I will never be happy” is the first step toward achieving happiness. It’s not always easy, but there are some things you can remember to help make this belief weaker, and eventually get rid of it entirely.

• The past doesn’t dictate the future. Just because you’ve never been happy before doesn’t mean you can’t be happy ever.

• You have more control over your life than you think. Everyone has the power to turn their life around and be happy – if they are willing to put in the work to make gradual change.

• Your worldview can sometimes become a self-fulfilling prophecy. By believing “I will never be happy” you in fact think and act in ways that reinforce this and make it more true.
  
  
• By expanding your worldview to include the possibility of happiness, you are more open to thoughts and actions that make you happy.
  
  
• Our negative beliefs are often faulty and prone to error. Question yourself by asking, “Why do I believe this?” or “Are there situations or events that may make this NOT true?” You will often find ways in which your belief is false.

• Replace these negative beliefs with ones that are more practical and optimistic. “I can be happy” is a completely attainable goal that can be achieved with faith, persistence, and dedication toward a new life.

No single article is going to make you magically happy. However, I hope some of the points made here are getting you to think in a new direction.

“I will never be happy” can be a common belief among many individuals who have depression, but this belief is not necessarily reality.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy, and other forms of “thinking therapy,” can be a valuable tool in getting our minds to act in happier and more productive ways.

By using these tools, we can overcome deeply ingrained negative beliefs, and begin seeing ourselves and the world in a new and fulfilling way.

Find out all the tools and techniques to a happier lifestyle in The Science of Self Improvement.